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I'm
sitting here playing around with this
loose nail on my fourth finger left hand.
I wouldn't have even noticed it except
that it got caught in my sweatshirt when I
took it off before PE. Now there's this
sharp point that's sticking out like a
built-in knife or something. It hurts when
I touch it but for some reason I keep on
touching it. Weird huh? It's like some
strange attraction to pain or something. I
think a lot of people are like that. We
all have this inner knowledge that maybe
what we're about to do is going to end up
to be bad news or worse and it's going to
fill us with all kinds of emotional pain
and mental anguish and yet we totally
ignore what we know and go for it
anyway.
You're
probably wondering what the hell I'm
talking about. Me too. But I think it has
something to do with being afraid of the
pain of love. You see I think I'm falling
in love with Becca. I'm not entirely sure
because I've never been there before, in
fact there is definitely a part of me that
doesn't even believe I am there now but
then again, maybe I am. And even though
the feeling is very nice there's this fear
that comes with it, the old "What's going
to happen when it's over?" And that's the
pain that I am trying to resist and at the
same time, I am totally out of control and
unable to resist it. I mean, I don't want
to get hurt or to hurt anybody, but
well... let's get real! People our age
just do not have relationships
that last. Most adults don't either but
teens certainly don't and so it just seems
inevitable that whatever I feel going in
to this with Becca it's not going to be
real pretty at the other end. But is that
going to stop me? I don't think so. I just
want to be real with her and make sure
that whatever we feel we can talk about. I
figure that way, no matter what happens,
at least we have a chance of staying
friends, real friends. The problem is
(aside from all the stuff that's going on
inside of me) that I don't have any idea
how Becca feels about me. So the BIG
question is: Do I say anything to her or
not? And if I do say something to her,
what do I say?
Anybody
out there in the universe have any
ideas????
Email
me, please!
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