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When I
got to school this morning I decided that
I was going to talk to Dee and explain to
her who I really am inside. I just don't
want her thinking that I'm some jerk who
has no respect for women because no way am
I into that macho crap. I had it all
planned out. What I was going to say and
how she would look at me when I told her I
really do care about equal treatment for
people of all races and between men and
women too. But when I got to English, Dee
wasn't there. Ms. Phipps told us that
Dee's grandmother was very sick and that
Dee would be out of school for a few
days.
I
wondered if Dee's grandmother was going to
die and if she did, how would Dee feel. I
have had an experience with death and I
know that when someone you loves dies, it
leaves a hole in your heart.
My
grandfather, my father's father, was
killed in a drunk driving accident when I
was 12. Some teenager was driving the
other car. He had just gotten his license
about a week before and he and his
girlfriend were coming home from a party.
The kid was drinking beer... right in the
car and he tried to beat out a yellow
light just as my grandfather's black 1975
Chevrolet was going through the
intersection. My grandfather's car was hit
so bad they had to cut the door off to get
him out. But it didn't really matter
because they said afterwards, at the
hospital that they were sure he died
instantly.
When my
father got the phone call from the police
he cried. It was the only time I saw my
father cry and I think that scared me more
than knowing my grandfather was dead. I
don't know why but it just felt, at that
moment, that I would never feel safe
again.
When Ms.
Phipps made the announcement about Dee's
grandmother I started thinking about my
grandfather and how he used to take me for
walks with him, in the hills not too far
from where he lived. He knew the names of
all the plants and flowers and he could
recognize birds from the sounds they make.
He told me stories about growing up in
Mexico and how he felt when he first came
to this country. He and my grandmother had
loved each other very much but she died
when my father was born and my grandfather
never remarried. But he was never lonely.
He made friends easily and he played the
guitar and sang songs that sounded like
warm nights with stars. When he died I
felt like I lost my best friend. And even
though it has been four years, I can still
feel the hole in my heart.
I wonder
what Dee is feeling now?
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