R E L A T I O N S
H I P S:
Abusive
Relationships
Abuse is mistreatment. Abuse can be
emotional (where someone consistently
disregards, invalidates and/or purposely hurts another's
feelings to control them). Abuse can also be
physical (where someone uses violence
or the threat of violence to get their way). In both
cases one person is treating the other with a lack of
respect.
Abusive relationship are unbalanced,
unhealthy, and unsafe.
Why do some people treat others this way?
Unfortunately, many teens have been abused by a parent or
another care giver. They have grown up accepting abuse as
part of a love relationship. For teens like this, abuse is
nothing unusual.
How do you know whether you are in an abusive
relationship? Check out the following questions and
answer them for yourself. They describe some of the warning
signs that can help you decide if your relationship is
turning toward violence.
- Are you unhappy with your girlfriend/boyfriend
because you feel he/she tries to control you?
- Do you ever do things you don't want to just because
you feel intimidated (forced) by your
boyfriend/girlfriend?
- Do you ever feel terrible about yourself because of
things your boyfriend/girlfriend has said to you?
- Does your boyfriend/girlfriend ever push you around
or threaten to hurt you?
- Does your boyfriend/girlfriend ever hit you?
- Does your boyfriend/girlfriend ever force you to have
sex?
- Do you do any of the above to your
boyfriend/girlfriend or anyone else?
If you answered "YES" to any of questions 1-6 you may
already be in an abusive relationship, or on your way to
being abused!
If you answered "YES" to number 7, you may be an abuser
yourself!
How do I change this situation if I love him/her?
This situations isn't good for you, and it's not good for
your partner either. An abuser needs to get help and support
to stop abusive behavior and to understand something called
"the cycle of violence."
The most important thing to remember
is that you may love him/her but you don't love the
part of him/her that hurts you.
You have to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend:
- You don't want them to treat you this way.
- If they continue to, that you will leave the
relationship.
If you cannot say this because it is too scary for you
then ask yourself:
- "Do I like being treated like this?"
- "Do I want to continue being yelled at, threatened,
or physically abused?"
The hardest part is admitting you are in a situation
that isn't good for you!
Once you can face this and realize you have nothing to be
ashamed of, talk to a friend or an adult you trust. Then get
the help and support you need. Now is a good time to learn
about yourself so that you don't repeat
the pattern and find yourself in another unsafe situation
with someone else in the future.
There are many places to go and to get support.
(For victims of abuse and also abusers who can get help
to break their pattern of violence.)
- Talk to a school counselor.
- Call the Women's services number in your phone
book.
- YWCA usually has groups for victims of Abuse (and the
YMCA)
- Call the National Domestic Violence Hot line
at:
1(800)
799-SAFE
This number is free to call and will NOT appear on you
phone bill if you live in the U.S.. If you have any
questions about abuse in any relationship you are in, do
yourself a huge favor and get the help you need.
Remember...
It is never O.K. for anyone to hurt you,
or for you to hurt anyone else.
This pattern must be
broken.
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