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I
don't know what to do. I mean, I know what
to do, I already did it, but I'm not sure
it's what I really want. But I'm jumping
way ahead and you probably have no idea
what I'm talking about, so let me start
from the beginning.
Chaz
asked me to the dance next week. I knew he
would so I had it all planned out in my
mind what I would say. When he asked if I
wanted to go with him, I told him that I
wanted to meet him there, that way we
wouldn't officially be on a date. I told
him that we could spend a lot of time
together there, but that there's just
something about the dating thing that
makes me uncomfortable.
He
took it pretty well, even though I was
lying. Of course he didn't know that, but
I did. And now you do too.
The
reason I told Chaz I didn't want to go to
the dance with him had nothing to do with
what I just said. The truth was I just
didn't want him to come to my house to
pick me up. I didn't want to have to go
through all this stuff when I told my
parents I had a date. I couldn't bear the
lecture I knew I'd get from my parents,
especially my father. About how it was
each generation's responsibility and
obligation to keep our honored Chinese
culture alive and how, even though he came
to this country as an immigrant, that our
family must never forget that we are
Chinese. And where would our ancient
tradition be if, in the next generation,
my children did not have both a Chinese
mother and a father? And that is why I
must only date Chinese boys so that I will
only marry one of them.
So
if I didn't hear that lecture how come I
know what they would have said? Because
I've heard it a million times already!
What they don't understand is that I'm not
thinking about getting married. I'm only
15! I just want to go to the dance with
Chaz! But I didn't. I turned him down
because I didn't want to have to deal with
any of that stuff with my father. And what
about my mother? Where does she stand on
the Chinese culture issue? Who knows? It's
almost impossible to find out what she
really feels about anything. You see, she
doesn't talk all that much when my father
is around. And whenever anything comes up
that's the slightest bit controversial,
she tells me that I am being disrespectful
for speaking my opinion. And when she and
I are alone together and I ask her how she
really feels, she tells me that her
opinion is not something that I need to
know about. I just need to know what is
the "right" thing to do. And that is her
opinion. That really helps a lot, doesn't
it? It's as if equality between the sexes
just skipped over this house
altogether.
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