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I
heard my mother crying when I walked past
her door this morning. The sound kinda
scared me because my mom only cries in
sappy movies. She doesn't get depressed
and she's not the kind of person who feels
sorry for herself. So when I heard her
crying I thought "Something really bad
must have happened" and I knocked on her
door. She told me to come in. She was
sitting at her desk, which is beside the
window. Right outside is a bird feeder
which she never forgets to fill with seed.
It was empty. There was even a bird
sitting on the branch opposite the feeder
peering it with a pathetic expression on
its face. Even in California winter is
winter. We're not talking ice incrusted
trees and rock hard frozen ground, but a
well stocked bird feeder in always
appreciated. Except ours wasn't and my mom
was at her desk crying.
I
asked her what was wrong and she said that
she missed my dad. That was a real
shocker!
My
mom and dad got divorced when I was five.
She never talked about him and when he
left he was pretty much never around any
more. I think he had moved to some island
in the South Pacific or something. Topango
or Bora Bora or Tahiti. I loved to look at
our world atlas and imagine my dad
exploring the tropical jungles of these
places with the cool names. For the first
few years he'd send me and my brother
birthday cards and Christmas presents, but
then that stopped and we haven't heard
from him in a really long time.
My
mom never once in all those years said
that she missed him. Not when he first
left or any time. I never got much about
why they broke up but I always imagined it
was just one of those things that had to
do with my dad wanting to go out and see
the world while my mom was more into
reading about exotic places than actually
doing the hiking and getting dirty and
dealing with mosquitoes stuff. She never
bad mouthed him or anything after he left,
she just never talked about him. Also,
she's done an amazing job keeping things
together. Such a good job that it's always
been hard for me to imagine where my dad
would fit in if he ever did show up again.
I mean, she's got a really good job as the
director of a school for learning disabled
kids. And like I've said before, she's a
great cook. Takes us on family vacations.
She laughs a lot, dates occasionally, has
lots of friends. I always thought her life
wasn't missing anything. But there she was
crying and saying that she missed my
dad.
I
thought about a story that my mom used to
tell me whenever I felt bummed out. In
fact, I think the first time she told it
to me was the morning I woke up and my dad
wasn't there any more. The story goes like
this:
Two
brothers named Grins and Grumbles go to
visit their Grandpa on his farm. As
soon as they get there, Grumbles starts
complaining that there's nothing to do.
So Grandpa tells the boys that if they
clean out the horse stable, they'll get
to ride the pony. That's sounded great!
So Grins and Grumbles dash off to the
stable where they find an enormous pile
of horse crap and two shovels. The two
boys pick up the shovels and start in
on the pile. After about 15 seconds,
Grumbles starts moaning about how
smelly it is in there and how hot and
how hard the work is. Grins isn't
paying any attention to him. Instead he
keeps shoveling away and all the while
he's doing a little dance and singing
to himself. Grumbles can't believe that
even someone as dorky as his brother
could think shoveling crap was fun so
he says, "What are you so happy about?
With this much crap, we'll be here all
day!" And Grins smiles and him and
says, "With this much crap, there's got
to be a pony in here somewhere!"
I
figured part of the reason she was feeling
so discouraged was that she had forgotten
the story, (no one in the family had told
it in a really long time). So I hugged her
and whispered, "Mom, there's got to be a
pony in here somewhere."
She
laughed out loud and hugged me back. Then
I helped her fill up the bird
feeder.
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